Orange Car Of Secrets
by Kiss Pookie
Summary: Following “Back in Black” - After Emma, Jay and Ellie return to Degrassi after Sean stays in Wasega Beach, Jay and Emma make a discovery that could change their lives forever.
1. Backseat Blues

**Title : **Orange Car of Secrets

**Author : **Bri

**Disclaimer : **I own nothing. Except the concept.

**Summary : **Following "Back in Black" - After Emma, Jay and Ellie return to Degrassi after Sean stays in Wasega Beach, Jay and Emma make a discovery that could change their lives forever.

**Authors Note **: It's hard to believe I wrote this a little over four years ago, or thought of the concept then. I read over it and didn't think it was that bad of a concept, aside from my atrocious spelling and grammar. So I'm in the process of cleaning and rewriting. Keep in mind, we're in season four, Darcy's family isn't decided _yet _so I wrote her to be Jay's younger step sister. You can say Darcy is embarrassed of her family (more or less, of Jay) and Jay's mother is Fancy.

**Couples : **Emma/Jay and references to Jay/Alex and Sean/Ellie

**Chapter One : Backseat Blues**

You can cut the tension with a knife, on the way home from Wasega Beach. Emma in the backseat looking like she's in deep thought playing with the ends of her golden hair, and you can hear the sounds of Ellie sniffling attempting to hold back tears with no avail causing Emma to look over with a look of concern. Jay sits the front seat his window down, with a cigarette in his left hand. He didn't like the quiet and there weren't many comforting sounds and smoking was comforting. He doesn't usually smoke, and it's only when in a stressful situations, to him silence is stressful. Emma hopped up a little bit to look at herself in the rearview mirror before quickly trying to lean against the door as if she didn't, but Jay saw and flashed a light smile but Emma pretended she didn't see it. Finally, Jay spoke to Emma.

"Greenpeace, do me favor?"

Emma nodded, seeing Jay lean to the right while still keeping his eyes fixated on the road while digging in the glove box to find tissues, throwing them back.

"Here, catch. Pass 'em to Ellie or she'll have to pay for my new seats."

Ellie looked over as Emma caught them, and the tissues were quickly passed over. Ellie went back to looking out the window, as she wiped her tearstained eyes. His voice sounded tense, and angry sounding - Emma knew he never liked her. It was almost like he went out of the way to try to say something to annoy her, or get her mad. Ellie didn't speak, she just cried and Emma didn't blame her. Emma had been in her shoes last year, when Sean decided to roll with Jay and break up with her, heartbreak wasn't fun.

Jay knew Ellie was upset. After the brief moments of silent that the tension had created, he wanted to cause some type of discussion even if it wasn't pleasant. "Ellie what's the matter with you, anyway?" he tantalized.

Ellie didn't speak, she more or less ignored Jay lying her head against the door.

Emma knew she was upset but she didn't defend herself, so Emma did, "Jay, why don't you leave her alone? She doesn't want to hear it." Emma asked Jay as rummaged blindly through her hobo bag for a hairclip for her sweaty hair. She quickly found out and put her hair up.

"So Greenpeace is fighting to stand up for others and her own rights. Why don't she just do a little something called, mind her own business?" Jay asked jeering from the rearview mirror looking at Emma with his soft blue eyes, yet acting in a contrasting behavior. His eyes didn't match the harsh words he was tryng to tell.

Emma rolled her eyes, "Eat this." finally glaring him the middle finger.

His eyes widened, but he mellowed out a laugh and shook his head. "Wow, original. I'm real scared now."

Ellie looked over and laughed as well, but not at Emma but at Jay, before Jay slammed on the breaks pulling over on the shoulder. He opened the door slamming it hard before opening Emma's side door grabbing her hand, "What's the big idea? You could've killed Ellie. . . or me!"

"One warning, Greenpeace. . " Jay snarled before Emma cut him off.

"My name is Emma."

"EMMA, don't mess with me. This is my car and I can just leave you off whenever I feel like it." Letting go of her hand quick she recoiled pulling her hand back quickly.

"Okay Jay, you done?" Emma rolled her eyes sarcastically. Jay glared at Emma, before his gaze softened as did hers. She wondered why they were just looking at each other, it wasn't long of a time, but it was just enough time for her stomach to stir inside. She pondered why Jay even gives her the time of day, or gives her that weird nickname. But she shook out of it fast, because she reminded herself that Jay isn't the kind of person to like her, or have any feelings for her.

Ellie learned over to Emma's side of the car sighing looking at Jay, "I need to get home and feed Bueller if you don't mind?"

Jay nodded motioning Emma who's legs were hanging out of the car to put them back in so he could shut the door. She did put her feet inside quickly before he ran to the drivers side and they continued on their way home to Degrassi, continuing the way home in silence.


	2. Wandering Glances

**Authors Note :** Thank you so much for your reviews, looks like you got your wish. I added more.** XoPri24** and **AllieB0524**

**Disclaimer :** I own nothing, just the concept. And no I don't own Dr. Phil either.

**Chapter Two : Wandering Glances**

**(Jay POV)**

Emma Nelson was someone I didn't hate, but I didn't like. In fact, she's the one person I'm stuck on. There are millions of reasons why I should not like about her, and the fact that I know she'll never like me and those reasons point me to the conclusion that I don't know what to think about her. I used to despise her and every last one of her causes, the anti-violence thing that I "helped" with, and the relationship with her and Sean that I destroyed it's guaranteed everything I touch turns to dust. It urks me that she's a vegetarian, it urks me that she's anti everything, it urks me that has a temper even though I'm one to talk. I hate almost everything that I know about her, but I used to take it out on her and that just wasn't fair. Who am I to ask what is fair, though, seriously? I'm Jay Hogart and I don't usually think before I do, I just do, cause damage, it's what I do best. But back to what I said about despising her, I said I used to hate her, hate is strong. It wasn't like she's ever done harm to me, which makes me not know if I'm so sure how I'm not so sure anymore. _Why even waste the energy? _I sometimes wonder, or _She must not be so bad, she's actually kind of pretty_ and that's what a year does to you. I was plain too quick to judge Emma. To be honest, perhaps now I don't hate everything about her. She didn't focus on being perfect, and usually she is so anal. That makes me sick when one wastes their time as such a perfectionist. She didn't focus on it, she was compassionate, and as much as she doesn't want to show sensitivity, she's very sensitive and her innocence is something that drives me insane. It turns me on, and I'm not sure why, and yet she's so vulnerable and I know I'm that kind of guy that would prey on that like most of the guys I know. I guess I haven't the morals, but I know better than that. People ought to give me more credit. I'm nothing like her, because she never changes her mind, and I look into someone far too much that is just, there.

Besides, I have millions of reasons not to like her, I'd be a black stain on her white carpet. She used to be flattest, she used to be bone skinny, she had this lanky frame, but it'd be a hit out of the park to say something changed about her, as if to say she got hot over the summer. She pierces you with her brown eyes, she's the first girl who I looked into the eyes, besides Alex. I used to think that Emma is the kind of girl that would look you in the eyes, tell you she wont tell anyone about you being the murder of someone, and she'll go straight to the cops and turn you in. She made me feel like a dirty rotten mess, like when she talked to me she saw right through me. I know she wanted to hate me too. But today I saw something in her, I never saw before, when her eyes softened and I felt something warm in her hand, I don't want to get to mushy, she's Greenpeace for chrissake. She's my best friends girl, but not literally. You see, the whole you can't kiss, date, or think about your best friend's girl - it's this guy code most guys have, and I'm sure girls have it too. I'm sure Emma wouldn't go for Craig, because Craig and Manny got some history, and I doubt she'd ever go for me (I know that she'd be not be afraid to be honest, She did a fine job tearing Alex a new one last year).But I think I've come to the conclusion that I don't mind though, about my feelings for Emma because it isn't like she'd ever fall for me. I still have to hold my tough terrain and not look like a softie and Ellie can easily dial Sean's digits.

I broke the silence again, "We only have an exit to go and we're home." Ellie rolled her eyes at my attempt to revive things. Little Miss. Vampire was pissing me off. On the beach I listen to her talk all this crap on Emma, and I couldn't say I actually agreed with her like I would if you asked me what I thought of Emma a year ago, at least Emma seemed effected and smiled lightly. She has a beautiful smile.

"I'm hungry." Emma yawned. I was hungry too, and I know we were all hungry. It had been a long day and the only thing I had to eat was sand. Yuck, I'm starved.

"Hey meet to. What do you say we all go to The Dot to get some food, and then we go our separate ways, okay?"

Emma nodded, with a smile, "Sounds good to me. Why not?" Emma looked at Ellie who shook her head.

"Look hate to rain on all you guys' parades but, I really don't have the money. Unlike you all, I have to save my money for rent and food because I don't know if you know this but without Sean I'm on my own with money." Ellie told Emma and Jay as she took her finger out of her mouth.

"I'll pay. Besides, it'll be nice not to eat dinner alone, don't you think?"

"I couldn't. . "

"I insist."

"Charity?"

Emma shook her head, "Just pay me back whenever you get the money."

Sometimes it makes me smile to see Emma doing something nice for someone else. She cares about others, yet if I was hungry it's not certain she'd help me out. I don't think she gives a rats ass about me, and yet I give her so much thought. Alex and I are on the rocks right now, I don't think we'll last through tomorrow because I accidentally missed our anniversary in going to Wasega Beach with Emma, Sean and Ellie. She told me during our last fight that if she saw me with one more girl it'd be over. Today I will be seen with two, so I guess it's really over. Alex really isn't the same anymore, I've been messin' around with Amy lately and she's more like Alex than Alex is and it's all so strange. I had loved Alex forever, she's so clingy and dependant and she's too jealous and I don't like being or feeling tied down, and it brings me to why I hear too much _Dr. Phil_ stuff, my mom watches that all the time. Mom made me watch one about destructive behavors she thinks I'll be in prison soon.

Finally we arrived back in home, sweet, Degrassi. I parked in the back of The Dot, everyone's favorite neighborhood hang out and walked in with Emma and Ellie. I scanned the room for Alex but she saw me before I saw her. "Are you going to tell me where'd you go?" she asked me her face boiling with anger. I knew what was next. "Babe. I-"

"Don't babe me."

"Can you tell me what you're doing with Ellie, I don't know if you know this but she's got a boyfriend."

"Look Lex, I know. Sean kind of dragged us along to Wasega, where he ran to momma and daddy - and now - is living there. He took us along." I tried calming her down.

"Are you aware of your sinking shop grade? I can't keep lying and covering for you, my grades will suffer too. I don't know if you know this but I would like to pass this year."

"The motor project diagram thing, I forgot. Sean just kind of dragged me off. . ."

"and you left me with the shop project we worked on together now I think we failed. Nice going partner" She hissed sarcastically, hitting my arm hard.

"Alex. ."

"Jay, didn't I tell you about hanging with other girls?" she asked angrily, "I guess you didnt care at all whatever. And you were all day gallivanting in Wasega Beach with Emma Nelson and Ellie, and you're supposed to be my boyfriend? I didn't think it would have to come to this, Jay. It's over Jay, it's been over" Alex grabbed her bag and walked out of the restaurant. No one heard so it was a thankfully close call. "May I seat you all?" the hostess said I nodded and we all walked to the room to eat. And for once, I'm numb. I don't care. Alex's loss, and probably my gain.


	3. Dinner Discussion

**Chapter Three : Dinner Discussions**

_(Emma POV)_

Ellie remained quiet but observant at dinner, and I couldn't help but feel the sting. It's almost like she reads into my mind. She knows I'm Sean's ex, she knows it took me awhile to get over that. I never gave Ellie a hard time or anything, she's apart of the club, she's friendly on some occasions and we really haven't talked much. We have a strictly business kind of relationship, we aren't friends, and we aren't really acquaintances. I never feel comfortable around her. Jay was actually pretty cool, he isn't as bad as he usually would be. Like he has them slap in the face jokes he'll tell me right when I think he's being sweet, but he's been acting different ever since that moment in the car, or this past day for instance. I never realized that he could be, or that he'd be capable of it. He had always been nothing but rotten to me. But then again I spent so much time trying to hate him just because he was friends with Sean. Even a year later, I was still burned that I just kind of wrote him off. I can't help but think of that moment I had with Jay about two hours ago, when he grabbed my hand after I flipped him off. It was almost like something I did effected him, I saw it in the way his eyes softened. It was there when I realized, he doesn't have the rough exterior that everyone believes he has. He has flaws, and he's no where near perfect, and he has a heart, or at least emotions. Sometimes I do question him and emotions, I heard Alex and Jay had an argument when we first arrived here. I over heard her break up with him, however he doesn't sound or look the least bit effected.

For two people who have been together as long as they were, I'm kind of surprised. Normally, I'd find myself thinking about Sean many times after breaking up. First I went through a period where I just kind of piled on a work load, you know thinking constantly about S.I.T.E., always offering myself to my parents chores, I didn't even care if I got paid, and just doing anything I could to stop thinking about him - while inside I was dying. I'd go home for bed and cry every night for months, every time I'd see him with another girl I'd feel this horrible pain and every time I saw him at school it was just painful. While I was dating Chris, I felt like I was living a lie, and then I got mad at him for talking to Liberty when we were long broken up because I hate the fact that he was with someone else, the likes of Liberty I guess? I feel so distant from then, the petty stuff. This year however, getting involved in the anti-violence campaign was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I put myself in Rick's crossfire, I made a lot of mistakes and I try to be perfect to avoid failure. I might need a hand, and Sean was there when I was in my time of need. But the thing is, I still need a hand. Sure, I was saved or whatever, he dodged a bullet for me, you know, and I'll always be grateful. But what about after the events, what about after the trauma? I need him, and he isn't here. Sean though, this is the first time in my life that I regret the things I'd tell Manny or my mom that I wish he never existed, or I wish he just would go away, move away so I wouldn't have to the deal with him. Of course everyone knows, even I that he was my first everything you can imagine. Sean was my first real crush who I had the chance to pursue, he seriously liked me back (and wasn't a twenty-eight year old pervert who would try things on me and almost kill me like Jordan. I was so stupid to believe Jordan was actually a guy my age.)I knew nothing about love when I was twelve, but looking back on it, I had all the symptoms of being in love with Sean. Sean also was my first kiss, my first real kiss, no peck on the cheek we had a full blown with tongue make out underneath the tree on the beach at my mom and Archie's wedding and that summer I even had my first time with him. So it was the worst thing in the world to have Sean break up with me mere months after that, so in turn Sean was also my first heartbreak as well. I can't help but think every time I meet a guy, I'll feel like I'm cheating on Sean, I'll feel like I'm unfaithful when really, the reality is it isn't true. However I don't feel like much of anything when I talk to Jay. I don't know how to feel about Jay. He and I talked a lot today, he wasn't mean, or judgmental or anything. He was cool, like I said before. I just hope he doesn't act really nice to me today, and then act like today never happened. But I can't believe I'm confessing that I might just be falling for someone totally forbidden, yet so totally there. I think I'm falling for, Jay Hogart. There I said it, well I thought it. I probably will never say it.

"Yo, Greenpeace." Jay waved his hand in my face intrupting my thoughts. I shook as I returned back to reality and looked at him, "please tell Ellie what's what, coke or pepsi. Which is better?"

I smiled, and asked Jay, "What do you think is better?"

"Coke, go with the classic. Nothing but the best." Jay nodded proudly.

"Pepsi. For those who think young of course." Doing my best Britney Spears impression with a wink at Jay's direction. I half expected him to say something weird but he didn't. He just smiled at first.

"That was cute. I didn't think you could do something cute." Jay laughed.

"Cute?" I questioned.

"Yeah, extremely cute."

"I never thought that word was in your vocabulary, Mr. Hogart."

"Don't get used to it, Greenpeace." Jay chuckled. He had an extremely cute laugh. I really should be resisting this temptation.

"SO anyway guys. What are you guys gonna order?" Ellie asked trying to deviate the conversation at hand which started with soda, and then Jay flirting with me. She saw right through it. I mean, she knows Jay. She would hang out with him and Alex when she was with Sean. I mean, I can tell Ellie is getting embarrassed, hoping that nobody sees her with us. I mean it isn't usual to see us all sitting together and having dinner.

Spinner came to the table, he didn't look happy. He kinda looked saddened, he didn't even want to look at Jay. Perplexed, I focused my attention to Jay, who just looked at

Spinner with his piercing blue eyes to not say anything. I turned around and looked at Spin, as did Ellie. "Sorry I'm late to the table, the soda machine is on the fritz. We fixed that so now I can take your drink orders."

"I'll have a lemonade." Jay said.

"I'll have a diet anything." I told him.

"We sell pepsi." Spinner told me.

"Perfect." I smiled.

"Iced tea, please. Sweetened."

"Would you like lemon?" Spin asked.

Ellie nodded, "Yeah,"

"So, uh take a look at the menu, we got some new things. Loaded waffle fries are new, we also have tater tots can substitute for fries now, salads went up a buck if you get chicken, new chicken salad sandwich is really good and we have a new two dollar menu where you can get anything on this page for two bucks each. Sweet deal I guess. I'll be back with the drinks. " Spinner said as if he said all of this on a teleprompter, like he already knew the drill. He also looked as if he wasn't himself, he wasn't happy like he usually is.

Jay sighed looking down at the menu, the whole mood of the table went with him. We all looked down and decided on stuff silently. I couldn't help but wonder why Spinner and Jay were looking at each other like that. I know they used to make fun of Rick a lot. Jimmy used to tell me when we would have our study periods that he wished that Spinner would just lay off. I'm sure I know why Spinner would be upset, because Jimmy got shot. Jimmy is his friend, he just went a little overboard and his friend has to pay the consequences. I have no idea why Jay is so somber with Spinner.

Ellie stood up and tapped me out of the blue eyeing my purse. I didn't catch the hint at first. She then knelt down and whispered in my ear, "Bathroom, now. Feminine product?"

I nodded and followed her to the bathroom and leaned against the sink, "Alright." I dug in my purse and gave her a pad..

Ellie shook her head and laughed, "It was just to get you in here." Ellie said as she was in front of me. She looked back and round to see if anyone was in there, when she figured that there wasn't she talked to me, "I didn't want a pad. Don't worry about it."

I sighed rolling my eyes. I'm curious why she wanted me in here, "What is then?"

"Just curious. . "

"About?"

"Flirting."

"Why what about it?"

"I don't know I'm asking you."

"I'm not flirting with Jay if that's what you're thinking."

"I didn't have to say anything about Jay."

"Why would I he's got a - " I started to play stupid. As I said before, I know Alex broke up with him tonight, I heard her and him fight.

"Did. He had Alex, and they broke up."

"So?"

"Emma, why play stupid? You know you were flirting out there." I sighed after she said before she continued, "I wasn't saying any name in particular you jumped to the first conclusion. Don't lie, Emma you were flirting with Jay. It's cute and you weren't the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, He was definitely flirting with you. You know for a fact Jay never says cute." Ellie moved to the mirror next to where I was, still taking to me.

I turned to face the mirror to fix my hair which was matted and sweaty from earlier being at the beach. I did get some color as well from all the sun exposure. I took out my hairbrush and started brushing. "I'm done with romance or whatever. So don't try to play with me, Ellie."

"What's to play when it's already there?"

"You just don't get it."

"But I could, Em. Not when I see something there. It's not everyday when there's substance. I know we aren't the best of friends, I know what you call friends but I saw something. I mean don't go and fall in love with him. ."

"I know. I wont."

"You wouldn't get it if your tried." Emma rolled her eyes.

"Your ex's best friend. You don't want drama. I know."

"Yeah. ."

"Just cause you were wronged before, doesn't mean you will again." Ellie explained, "it's like new guy, you get a fresh slate. A word of caution be careful."

"And I will. But fine, I do like him. He's really attractive, and interesting unlike anyone I'd ever consider. I know he'd not go for me, like I'm too I don't know. . too different."

"Opposites attract, you do know that?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"What do you say we get back to the table, Jay is probably already ordering." Ellie told me. I nodded and walked with her back to the table.


	4. It's A Small World

**Chapter Five : It's A Small World**

After dinner, the trio merged back into the car. The dinner was actually nice, and Emma and Jay continued finding they have more and more in common. This time in the car, for a short time the car was booming with conversation. Ellie felt a lot better it seemed about Sean. They got to Sean's house, and dropped off their first person, Ellie. They stayed there long enough to see her get inside. Ellie waved with a smile and a thumbs up to let them know she was okay, and they could go. Jay looked back at Emma, "Yo Greenpeace, you can take the front seat."

Emma hesitated. Jay smiled lightly causing her to smile back and open the door slowly, shut it and join him in the front, "Thanks." Emma said filling up the silence as Jay put the car in reverse, followed by drive leaving the Ellie's house and back to the street.

"And so that leaves you, Greenpeace. Where do you live?"

Emma pointed in the direction of her house, "Right down to the left, my house has a big number 13."

Jay turned into the driveway which was notably empty. The house was dark, and Emma just remembered that her parents weren't going to be home, they took Jack to grandma's. Earlier in the morning they almost cancelled but, they really needed a vacation after last year and Snake's cancer. Emma said she could handle the house on her own for a day or two, but as she dug in her purse for her keys she noticed that she had forgotten them. She sighed, "Shit." Dropping her purse on her lap and reclined her head on the seat looking up and not looking at Jay.

"What?" Jay asked.

"I forgot my keys."

"Look, it's alright."

"My rents lock the doors when they leave. They left for vacation."

"You could stay at my house."

"I couldn't. . ."

"I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew I left you outside."

"Really?" Emma asked.

"Really. Seriously. It's not like my mom would mind, she works late. Besides, it'll give me a chance to get to know you better. Today was a lot of fun."

Emma nodded grinning sideways, "Alright."

- x -

Emma got a little confused and mistaken at first when they were driving into the next town, by large Degrassi is a small town, but the district is pretty big. It continued to confuse her when they were going into the small upscale section of town. She thought she was even more mistaken when she saw a large metal black gate surrounded by trees and two fountains on each side, and lovely displays of all kinds of flowers along the sides of the drive way. Jay pressed a button on the side of the brick wall by the opening and said his name the gates opened and he drove in. Emma didn't say anything she just was too captivated for words. Straight ahead was a fairly large home and Jay parked to the left where two other upscale cars were parked. Emma glanced at Jay.

"What, Greenpeace?" Jay said after a few moments of Emma's silence.

"I didn't know you lived in Lakeview." Emma wondered out loud still gazing out the windows. Everything about Jay's living arrangement was everything she never expected from Jay. She thought Jay lived alone, like he had no family, no authority, she half expected him to live in a hotel, or an apartment but never in a large gated home.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone. I don't want people knowing about where I live."

Emma didn't say anything to Jay. She remained quiet, aside from a quiet, "I wont. And thanks for today."

"No problem, let's go." Jay exited his car and shut the door, he then went around to Emma's side and open the door for her and see that she got out. They walked up the long driveway paved with brick pavers. The trail to the house was lit with lovely outdoor lamps and the landscaping was flawless in their garden. Jay took out his house key and unlocked the door with Emma behind him. As Jay opened the door the barking of his pet yellow lab, Gigi greeted them at the door. She started barking and sniffing Emma. Emma knelt beside the dog and pet her, in turn she calmed down, "Cute dog." Emma told Jay.

"Yeah, that's my girl. Name is Gigi." Jay said as Gigi slid down to lay down by the door, as Jay walked in the house some more to shut the door, and Emma sat up and adjusted her purse strap following Jay to the kitchen."she loves visitors. Little attention seeker." Suddenly Emma and Jay heard the voice of a young girl, "Jay Jay is home!"

"Jay you promised your sister you would take her to the park, and you did not." Connie called from the kitchen. Emma stayed back and listened quietly. She couldn't help but recognize Jay's mother.

"Connie - I don't want to take her. I had plans. Couldn't you get Darcy or someone else to do it? She's a girl." Jay grumbled in a rude voice on a nice yet hazy evening in the large airy home where he and his mother Connie lived.

"But Jay, you're her big brother. You disappointed her. She loves spending time with you, you know that. And please stop calling me Connie, I'm your mother. Don't forget that."

Jay had never really gotten accustomed to his new living arrangement nor does he like it. He hates all of it, the house, the walls, how everything is so unmistakably clean how there are butlers and maids griping and devastated if there is one stitch of dust on one small cranny of a shelf or the large great-rooms mantle, everything had to be in tip-top shape to them, Jay lives with a bunch of neat freaks where he feels all alone in a crowd of people and he doesn't want anyone to know it. Jay lives in a large house, he has maids, butlers, he has a new step sister named Darcy and her father is a minister, his mother is Connie. . former stripper now getting into her second childhood - god bless her all of which is true. Rolled his eyes when Darcy's father, Lyle came into the room in his 'so-called suave' tie and shoes ready to go to a church meeting, wouldn't you normally think a minister would wear black, not him, they're church is . . different Jay likes to say without believing in them. Connie and Lyle kissed each other on the cheek, before turning to Jay and giving him that look that he was trying too hard to play dad with him, "Cya Jay. Goodbye Christina."

"Bye Daddy." Connie ran and hugged Lyle as he left the house. Jay was perturbed that his baby sister calls him Daddy. He means Lyle does a good job at being a father figure, but considering that Mr. Edwards isn't even her dad it upsets Jay. Connie had a fling with a guy from her job a few years back, his name was Frank. Frank is really Christina's father. That affair caused the destruction of the Hogart family, caused the family to move from a home from the uptown city, to Degrassi's trailer park development called Ophelia Ridge where they spent many years in, before a few years ago when Lyle first entered their lives. Lyle and Connie had been married for about three years. Jay still hasn't forgiven his mom for ruining their family. She got sole custody of Jay and Christina, and their dad has no part in their lives. Connie makes it out that Jay's dad is a horrible person. Jay just plain misses his dad. Jay never lets his mother know how he truly feels, his distance and cold behavior to him is just about the only clue he has given her. It hasn't been the same since before his sister's birth. The thing is, Jay loves his sister but he can't stand how much she looks up at him. Jay knows he is no good.

"Well I refuse to take her, she'll just get hard to look after and all that. . I don't like it. . " Jay sighed as he looks at his family and shakes his head. Then looks down at his young five year old sister with her bright blue eyes and near-pearly, shiny platinum yet very natural hair gazing up at him and tugging on his blue Fruit-of-the Loom tee-shirt, "Go play Barbie's it's getting late Chris, you should be getting sleep."

Christina Hogart, Jay's little sister gazed up at her older brother whom she adored with her bright light-blue eyes. "But Jaaaayyy!" She whined. "You promised you would take me to the park!" She pouted, tears brimming in her bright blue eyes - which made them seem a steely gray. "I don't want to go with Darcy. I want to go with my big brother. Tell him Mommy!" She said starting to throw a tantrum. She was, no doubt, spoiled rotten, she always got what she wanted and she tends to abuse that fact. Every time she throws a tantrum the person caves in and gets her what she wants, takes her where she wants to go, whatever her heart desired.

Jay sighed.

Chrissy deferred her attention to the figure behind the action near the hallway, "Who is that?"

"Who?" Jay asked forgetting that Emma was here. Emma sheepishly waved at Chrissy.

Darcy walked in from the other side of the house noticing a girl in the house. Connie asked suddenly, "What's going on? I swear I thought I heard my name."

"It's my friend, Emma. Now do me a favor and go upstairs, Chrissy."

Chrissy at first objected until Jay reached in his pocket took out a lollypop, "Alright! A lolly." In a moment she was gone.

Emma couldn't help but like the way he referred to her as his friend. She really couldn't get over the fact she had feelings for Jay, and Ellie wasn't the only person to know. She even wondered what if Sean knew, though he probably did. But she couldn't help but notice Connie, the woman sitting on the couch. Emma thought back to a few summers ago when she helped out her mom at the hair salon, she swept hair, cleaned up and did the sinks, eyebrows and little things like that. "You're Connie. . I don't know how I didn't notice it before."

Finally, Darcy looked at Jay with daggers in her eyes. He returned them with a similar look. Darcy and Jay didn't get along at all. She was embarrassed that they were related, and everyone knows Jay and Darcy are like night and day. He didn't want it to be a big deal that Emma was staying the night. "Looks like Jay brought home a new experiment." rolled her eyes at Jay. Darcy and Connie got along exceptionally well for a step daughter and a step mother, "A-and you know her!?" Darcy stood up off the couch and sighed, "Please explain."

"Oh my gosh! You're Christine's daughter. How are you doing?" Connie quickly sprung to her feet and motioned Emma to sit down in the arm chair across from her before standing in front of her. Jay was confused but he didn't say anything.

"I hate to bring this up but, I heard about what happened at school. I'm so glad you're okay. Anyway, you're mother told me you were involved in that "Whack Your Brain" thing. You're very bright."

"Why thank, you." Emma smiled.

"Would you like anything to eat, sweetheart?" Connie offered.

Emma shook her head, "No thank-you ma'am. We just had dinner."

"Ma." Jay sighed walking closer to Emma and Connie, to avoid any more conversation. It was all making him awkward. "I told her she could spend the night. She forgot her keys, and her parents aren't home. It was the least I could do."

"Oh well that's perfectly alright." Connie smiled, and then looked over at Emma, "You are more than welcome here."

_Emma and my mom were talking. About Emma's mom. Baby brother too? Never knew she had one of those. Wow this is awkward, I guess. A wedding maybe? Oh yeah, I forgot Simpson is her step dad. I just wanted her out of the room._ "Mom, I'll take care of everything."

"Well alright. I'll see you in the morning, Emma. Darcy will take you upstairs to get you something to wear tonight. Wont you?"

Darcy nodded walking Emma upstairs to get the guest something to wear while Jay and Connie remained downstairs. Alone. He didn't like that in the least bit.

"She's a really good girl you know, Jay. Her mother and I are very close."

"I can tell." Jay said to his mom.

"How do you know her?" Connie asked curiously.

"Friends, around school." Jay shrugged.

"Oh well, I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Jay." Connie told him giving him a kiss on the cheek before going upstairs.


	5. Falling Fast

**Chapter Five : Falling Fast**

_(Jay POV)_

I really don't deserve her. I really shouldn't even think about her. But I can't take my eyes off of her. It's like she's the princess and I'm the deceiving type of guy who's not who he seems, or the villain who isn't any good for her, yet at the same time I want her to see it my way. About how I feel about her, and she has no idea. I saw the way she was, today, quiet, observant and friendly makes me finally realize that she really isn't so bad of a girl, in fact she isn't bad at all and I might just be falling for her. As stupid as it sounds, I might just be in love with her.

I wasn't nearly as effected as I thought with the break up tonight. In fact, I was barely effected when Lexxi broke up with me tonight, perhaps I might have seen it coming. We were always breaking up, getting back together and doing it again by the next day. It was almost like her mom always liked me better than any other guy she had brief flings with. We had something called, history. But nobody on the outside would "get" what me and Alex had. I think it started off great, and then things got bad as her family situation worsened. She was once a sweet, happy girl but she let her life consume her. Maybe things would be different if Alex would actually let me in or if Alex wasn't always so angry and sullen. In fact, we were once regular kids like you and me.

When we were ten we grew up, in uptown back when both of our family times were good, or so we thought. Alex's dad passed away when we were around seven, I remember our first kiss was in my backyard, in the tree house my dad made out of scraps from the lumber yard where he worked. Back then we as a family were well off. My dad worked the lumberyard, and as a child I never knew the details of my mom's job. I just knew she worked at night. Alex and I called it our hideaway, whenever her mom got drunk, or her dad got drunk and they would fight she would run there. When I was young I spent a lot of time in there. I remember she was crying, and I didn't know what to do.

_Alex with her raven colored hair to her back in a messy ponytail in a scrunchy was outside in the rain alone. She had beautiful hair, sometimes I wish she never cut. She was wearing a tee-shirt and her everyday shorts. Her legs and feet dandling off the edge of the makeshift porch of the tree house. She was lean, pale and crying uncontrollably. I saw her from inside my house, and nobody was awake. I threw on my baseball cap, grabbed my blanket and hopped outside to join her. She stood up, aware that someone was there. She hated crying, who doesn't? But she just didn't want anyone know, or see her cry. The funeral was the day before, it was awful because I know for a fact she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so bad it killed her, but she didn't want to show anyone. Her dad frowned upon crying, crying showed weakness and she looked up to her dad, who in my opinion was no role model. _

"_Lex . . You know it's three in the morning."_

"_What's it to you?" Alex asked sniffling, "couldn't sleep, I'm sorry."_

_I was taken back. She never was so cold to me, usually I see Alex and she's always smiling but she didn't even face me, "I-I brought you something." I walked up toward her giving her the blanket I brought from inside, I half expected her to stay the night in there. She often did that when the fighting got too rough between her parents. _

_Alex looked back at me, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, "Thanks." she whispered to me. But nothing prepared me for she would tell me next that night._

"_Can I sit?" I asked her._

_Alex cracked a smile and scooted down to the left so I sat next to her. We were elevated about a foot, we had steps so her legs were just dangling next to mine when I got to sitting next to her. I wrapped my blanket around her. I put my hands inside my sweatshirt. The rain was more of a mist while under the roof of the tree house. She didn't really say anything until she sighed, and looked at me, "I'm moving away."_

"_Running away."_

"_Oh believe me Jay, I'd love to do that. But where would I go?"_

"_Here."_

"_It's not that simple. My mom said moving away."_

"_Moving? But I've only- we knew know like three kids that have moved ever. I never thought we'd ever you know move. I mean Kyle Jennings was a army brat, why move you guys have a house? Do you have to move, Lax?"_

_Alex nodded._

"_I asked my mom. We had a fight, so I just ran off. She had I have to come with her. Besides, she's the only family I have left."_

"_B-but no! T-that can't happen." _

"_People move, Jay. My mom wants to move, she says it's for the best." She said sadly, before crying again, "but I don't want to."_

"_But I'm your Jay. Who is gonna protect you from all the kids at your new school? Who is going to be your best friend in the world. You're my only friend in the world, Lexxi."_

"_Don't you think this is as hard for me as it is for you?"_

_I thought about it, before speaking. So I knew it was inevitable, she was going to move away. "Well, how long till you move?"_

"_My mom wants to move, ASAP. Whatever that means. I just don't want to move. I'll miss the tree house, and I'll miss our school, and how things were. My dad's memory is here and everything. But most of all, I'll miss you Jay. And how we'll never grow up and have our own house together, like we always wanted to, how I'll never see your dream car, you know the Honda Civic . . That'll be orange your favorite c. . " Just then lightening interrupted her banter. She was afraid of lightening, and weather on nights like that. She whimpered holding herself close to me she held me tight burying her face in my chest. I lifted her chin with my finger, and kissed her. We kissed for awhile._

Memories like that are so far away. She moved when we were seven, it wasn't a exact goodbye. She gave me her new address, and her new phone number so we'd be able to write and call. With a twist of fate, when we eventually moved out of our dads house, then we both wound together again, in Degrassi. We immediately went out, and everything was peachy keen, or honkey dory or whatever people say now days. She was my first everything, my first girlfriend and the first girl I had loved, or so I thought. I guess maybe I just couldn't get over what we couldn't have. Now that I think about Alex and I, and our relationship it seemed like I was always helping her, rescuing or doing things for her. She'd push me away if she was busy with other things. So when I noticed that Emma was bailing on Sean, I noticed the same thing was happening with Sean when him and Emma were together and I hated that their relationship was like what me and Alex's used to be. I wanted them apart. Even more that I wanted them apart, I couldn't ever get the balls to break up with Alex, but at the same time I wanted Emma. Now Emma, she and I had talked a lot while in Wasega. There's this thing, Alex and I lost that type of I-can-tell-you-everything factor, or I-get-bored-of-hearing-the-same-old-stories because I got bored, I got tired of it.

So I believe Alex and I after all, were this long overdue thing. I mistaken it for this true love, when it was only puppy love. Alex is too far gone and wrapped up in her life right now. I can't stand by and see it anymore. She's too intense. I learned we were into he same swimming lesson group in the pollywogs when we were in kindergarten and we won 1st Degrassi's cross country swimming race for kids against all the neighborhood schools. Also, we learned much more things. It's all coming back to me how exactly - why exactly I wanted Emma and Sean broken up. I was jealous. I was jealous of what he, and what she had. A girl who cared--just didn't have a lot of time on her hands. I made it seem as if she didn't care and one little exaggeration wrecked two people. Forever.

Meanwhile, Emma is trying to get my attention. We're sitting in my bedroom. On my bed, she wrapped in one of my blankets as I was sitting on the other end of my bed near the headboard propped up with a pillow. Her legs were in that pretzel cross legged position that girls often do when relaxed in their pj's and I'm just kind of staring off into space. She waved her hand, in my face. "Earth to Jay."

I shook my head and smiled at her, "Sorry. I was just thinking."

"Yeah. What about?"

"Hm lots of things."

"Do tell." Emma supposed.

"Tired?" Emma asked me using her hand to prop herself up to speak to him, she was now lying on her stomach facing me. "So is this your basic night?""Basic night?" I sat up"Like this is what you do? Seriously. Darcy said it herself, who's she the other one or others?""The other one?""Remember when we were in the kitchen? With your mom, she said I was another experiment?""Alex. Just Alex. I _swear_. I hooked up with Amy once or twice. . but other than that nobody.""Oh. ." Emma scooted closer and wrapped herself tighter in the blanket. Causing me to move so that we were lying side by side. Emma was on her side looking straight at me.

I looked at her. "You cold?"Emma nodded, she blushed slightly causing me to smile, "Yeah. I get cold easily."

"Are you an honest person?" she asked me I looked at her. "Sometimes." I said, "I'm always honest, sometimes brutally honest with you. I've never lied to you, I don't want to lie to you."

"Why me?"

I just want to get it done and over with. I want her to know how I feel. Weather she understands or not. I need to tell. Her eyes started to get heavy as she slowly let her hand down and lie on the pillow next to me as she was getting tired. I'm afraid of the response. I wonder how she feels for me. I wonder if she hates me or likes me or whatever I just need to know everything so I can tell her or feel comfortable. Just a few more moments like this is all I need.

Here it goes.

"E-Em."

"What do you think of me?"

Emma reiterated the question, "What do I think of you?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you asking me?"

"I want to know." _I need to know._

"I think we should hang out sometime."

Emma beamed, "Yeah?"

I smiled warmly, and nodded, "You're a cool girl. How about tomorrow?"

"Jay Hogart isn't asking me to '_hang out_'."

"Yeah . So what if I did?"

"Why?"

I paused for a moment. It was a now or never moment, "Emma, I'm being serious."

"This is a first, you've called me by name."

"Actually, if you want to be technical, I used your name three times today."

"At least nothing bad happens if you say my name three times." She attempted to lighten the mood, and perhaps change the subject.

"That definitely a relief." He laughed.

"Yeah. You never answered why you want to hang out with me."

"Cause. . well today was fun, a-and we've never really hung out before."

"Well so you know Jay, I'm not stupid."

"Alright, I never said you were. There's another reason." he looked away and sighed, "I like you a lot. Sue me." I took her hand gently and held it, she didn't pull away.

Emma had this unusual gleam in her eye when I said that before asking, "Seriously?"

"Seriously." I answered.

We just laid there, looking at each other for a few moments. I stroked my hand on her cheek, before leaning closer to her. She didn't pull away, she didn't move. She in fact leaned closer to me, our foreheads touched, our eyes gazed, for a few moments. It was quiet all around. I just wanted to kiss her, and I felt that she wanted to. Since I fail at talking effectively about my feelings, kissing her. Words just aren't enough maybe? This hasn't happened before. I think she does want to kiss me too, she wouldn't of been so close if she didn't. Then finally I did it, I did the unthinkable, I kissed Emma Nelson.


	6. Last Time, First Time

**Chapter Six : Last Time, First Time**

_(Emma POV)_

I cannot believe Jay Hogart kissed me. I didn't even move, and even more strange is I actually liked it. Now he was looking at me, and giving me the eye. You have to know what eye I'm talking about, just when I'm thinking he's too good to be true he looks at me that way and makes it hard for me to keep my feet on the ground. I know our kiss only happened once but I felt captivated by impulses. It doesn't happen often, in fact it has never happened before. Something that I wanted this bad, but then once it actually happened I'm afraid of what is to come, or what will come ahead. With my luck, he'd not reciprocate feelings for me. I'll be the one who will feel used and led on. I can't let myself fall. Something like kissing Jay Hogart is something you just don't tell people, it's not that you're embarrassed about it, because you shouldn't be embarrassed about kissing someone, but because it's just something you don't tell about. He isn't typically the guy you bring home to your parents. Kissing Jay Hogart something you save for your diary, because something like that probably will never ever happen again. You'll want that memory to play back into your mind, and be clear in your mind so you can go back to that day. I often write about my kisses in my diary. So hopefully I will get to mine very soon so I can write on this experience, but nobody has ever looked at me like he has before. I have to keep my feet on the ground, I must not let myself believe that Jay Hogart could ever have feelings for me, beyond the occasional hookup. But now that he has kissed me, and he should know, and I know it'll never get any further than that. "Em, is something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." I told him a smile played on my lips. He makes me all melted and gaga for him. He can't know, he just can't. It's not like I had a thing for him suddenly. I've always looked at him and thought he was hot, I mean come on he's got that bad boy thing in the bag. He's rough and tumble, he's a fighter, he's always in the office, he's always doing wrong, he steals, he lies and yet all at once it appeals me at the same time. He probably smokes, I smell it on him and he drinks for sure.

"Did you like that? What I did right there? C-cause if you didn't, I wont do it."

"N-no!" I exclaimed but quickly covered it up so I didn't sound that off, trust me I went from zero to jumping the gun. I really needed to keep my head and feet from flying away, "I-I mean I liked it. If I didn't, I would've stopped you."

Jay changed the subject in a way, with a compliment. "Did anyone tell you, you kiss really, really good? Don't bite me for saying it."

I chuckled back, shaking my head, "I don't bite."

"Oh good. But I was serious about what I said."

"Na. You're just saying that."

"Not at all. Not even Cameron?"

Emma shrugged, "Not that I could remember." Seriously, never. Sean and I were so young, we never knew what we were doing. Sean and I had little kissing experience before eachother, so it wouldn't make sense to say, _"Oh Em, you're a fantastic kisser."_ because we had no experience. I don't even have any real comparison to Sean. I didn't feel anything when I kissed Chris, we had mostly pecks on the cheek, or on the lips before leaving a class or two, and I went on a few random dating sprees with a few guys that Manny hooked me up with and I really hadn't had a kiss as mind blowing as the one I had tonight with Jay, but of course you get a different feeling when its your first kiss - ever than when it's just plain mind blowing. That's when I knew, Jay was experienced. He's had his pick, he's kissed more than one girl, he's had previous flings, and he was saying that I was a good kisser. It makes perfect sense for him to say a statement like that.

"Are you saying Cameron was your first kiss?" I looked away and didn't say anything, I really didn't want to talk about Sean. I already thought enough of Sean, and for the first time I feel like I might just want to move on and out from the shadow of our relationship. It's like this rock I've been living under, the one thing that stops me from starting new and moving on. Now that Sean isn't in town, I have a new start in a sense. "I take that as a yeah." Jay could be a start, that I could easily loose because there are so many things wrong with the picture, he keeps discussing Sean, he keeps bringing up Alex, our exes. I'm already walking upon thin ice when I even think about the notion of dating him, because I know Sean would be livid, and so would Alex. But we didn't need to discuss it anymore.

"Yeah."

"How old were you?" Jay questioned. Still harping on the kiss.

"Thirteen. If you don't count when I used to play house with J.T. when we were what, six?"

"I was seven. I count it." Jay smirked.

"That's cause maybe you're a little nostalgic. Who is the lucky lady?"

"My ex, Lexxi." How did I know?

"Wow, you two go waay back."

"Yeah we do. I think over the years we kinda grew apart. I-I don't want to talk about Lex." Good. Please. He's just kissed me, and he's comparing another girl. Where I had no comparison, I guess it's all about the kiss being a first time. The first kiss you felt a spark, just because it was the first.

"I don't wanna talk about Sean." I told him honestly.

"Deal. We will no longer discuss that anymore." Jay told me.

"Thanks, Jay." I whispered, suddenly yawning. I really didn't sleep much last night. In fact, I didn't sleep at all. I kept having these nightmares about what had happened yesterday. Can you believe it? I went through a near death experience, and for the first time in a long time Sean was there for me. It happened so fast, the gun was pointed at me, I would've been a goner because I knew for a fact Toby wouldn't protect me after all, the gunman was Toby's friend! I kept thinking about how some friends just weren't there for me at all. I mean Manny tries, she really does but she doesn't understand. Usually I could tell her anything, but she's so wrapped up in other things, like acting. I can't feel too bad, she wasn't there when it happened. She didn't see what I see. Only Jimmy, only Toby and only Sean would. Nobody understands who is at school, in my inner circle, nobody but Sean but he's far away now. At least Jay is helping me cope, because I'm all out of sorts. It's a good thing that he hasn't discussed the shooting, maybe just maybe it has effected him in ways too. Maybe it made him human for once. He's the only friend face in the circle of madness.

So for awhile, it got silent. We didn't talk, I kind of closed my eyes. I didn't sleep. I just kind of took everything in. Jay whispered. "So. . "

I fluttered my eyes open and smiled, with a shrug, "I don't know."

"How about we play twenty-one questions, or A-Z."

I propped my head up with my hand and smirked, "Seriously?"

"Chyeah. Why not?"

"I don't see why not. Jay since the game was your idea you first."

"Um. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?"

"I knit."

"What?! A girl as. . Why would a girl who is young knit? That's like for old people."

"No! Knitting is current. You know knit scarves? Stuff like that? I know how to make them. I took a sewing class, the home ec class and I got good at it and I just kinda kept it up."

"I don't have a knit scarf, Em. No need to get defensive."

"Okay, I'll make you one some time."

"You don't have to."

"I will."

"What about _other _hobbies? You don't seriously sit around and knit all day do you?"

"I like to dance, I've been taking dance since I was little. I think I was like five or something. I love it, it's really cool."

"Nice nice. No wonder you got nice. . " he looked at me provocatively before ending, "Legs."

"Jay!" I said taking the pillow from under his head and gently hitting him with it.

He mocked as if he was in pain before throwing the pillow in my direction. I laughed as the down feathers blew through the air. Not many, just a few. Jay just laughed as I moved the pillow off my face and they were in my hair, and on the bridge of my nose. I shook my head causing the one to fall off my nose, "Don't mess with me, Nelson." he joked with me.

I laughed, "Alright point taken."

Jay continued his stifled laughter, by running his hands through my hair to remove the rest of the small feathers that landed there, "There you go. No more feathers. Your turn to ask questions."

"Alright Jay. What are yours?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm asking you."

"Cars. I like working on cars, I like cars, I like collecting things about cars. I'm all about cars."

"Alright, alright. Cool."

"My turn." Jay started, "Do you want to go Downtown with me, tomorrow? Blow off school, get out of town for a day, go get some lunch Downtown?"

I was taken back. Jay asking me to "hangout", code for date and I had nothing to wear. It wasn't like it mattered. Remember I needed to breathe, and to keep my feet on the ground. The offer was just nice, how he conviently placed it in the middle of our game of twenty-one questions. Man, he's slick, "I'd love to."

"You'd love to? Great. Nelson, your turn."

We continued asking questions, the more and more questions we asked and answered the more we discovered about each other. The more and more I realized, I might just have more in common than I had imagined with Jay. The more I realized there was something wonderful about him, the more I realized I was wrong and too quick to judge. I let anger and resentment for Jay over Sean blind me until I realize he isn't the guy that I thought he was. I notice that, what he does at school is puts on this front, really he is quite the opposite and his hardships and such made him feel the way he does and makes him act out in a sense. I started letting my guard down, and that was when I truly fell.


	7. Reason & Rhyme

**Authors Note: **Thanks for the reviews. Here's chapter seven.

**Chapter Seven: Reason & Rhyme**

_(Jay POV)_

The taste of her kiss on my lips is something I pondered about as I didn't sleep a wink last night. As she's sleeping, I'm watching her and all of her beauty tonight. Wrapped tightly in her blankets and her one hand is holding mine lightly.

I don't sleep much, I really feel there isn't a need, sleeping is a waste of time to me so I spend nights in wide-awake reflection. I feel tortured of things, things I did or once did, but I can't change the things I did now, I could just well, mend them the best way I know how. I just couldn't wait to wake her up. It was around eight, and I actually had a plan for today.

I decided this was a time we can get to know each other, we can understand each other. I want to be able to trust her, as much as I believe I love her. I want to take her to my hometown, and show her my life before Degrassi. My place, the place where my friends are, my dad is, and where much childhood lays - a place unlike any other, Downtown Toronto. It's older, low-key and by the looks of it to most, slummy but to me, it isn't at all. People downtown are really friendly, it just looks to be this slum that people don't talk about, or pretend not to enjoy. I often wish we never left. It's a place where everybody knows your name. "Emma." I said grabbing her decreasing attention with a raspy morning whisper.

Emma moaned before turning over to face the wall.

I laughed shaking my head, "It's getting late, and I don't want you to be sleeping the day away."

"Wait." Emma shot up, looking at me with her beautiful brown eyes, "What times it?"

"Uh eight." He pointed to the digital clock next to his bed.

"How long have you been up? Jay we have school!"

"No, we took the day off remember, I invited you Downtown."

Emma laughed, oh how I loved her laugh, "I didn't think you were serious."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

She just shrugged while flashing that million dollar watt smile, "Good cause I wasn't feeling school today."

I would have told her to raid Darcy's closet to get something to wear. I let Alex do it once and Darcy could a killed her, and luckily for her Alex hated Darcy's clothes. That was way back when she only stayed weekends. I wish she was just a normal sister who wouldn't bitch at me, and tell mom everything I do. I make one false move, and I'm no fashion designer, blue sleeved shirt, pink swirls, blue text, ah well have fun. I gave her the pants and turned around, "Um uh they may be a little big-roll so you might have to roll them."Emma blushed, "Yeah I can see that."

"You could take a shower in my bathroom." He pointed to the door.

"Thanks, I'll be right back" I can tell she wasn't completely comfortable, in my house.

- x -

About an hour later, we were inside my car again. Emma stepped into the passenger's seat as she shut the door gently. I looked over at her, "You have to slam it, it's not new. It's kinda crappy with the doors. I gotta fix them. Sorry."She looked at me, like what I did didn't faze her, it's interesting. She opened the door again and slammed it shut, "There we go." I heard her say, as I put the keys in the ignition and my music blasted. Emma's face cringed, I put my foot on the gas and pulled out of the drive way, "What is this?" she asked. "Music. You like?" I joked with her, "My sound system has sixteen independent speakers. Good huh?"

"You call _that _music?" She asked me her face wrinkling, her voice sounded so light compared to eh loud music coming out my speakers. Before she looked at me, "Skipping means not wanting to get caught and with the loudness of this...stuff you're going to wake up everyone!" "Who cares."

"You should.""Why?" "Because"

"Please." She pleaded with her eyes and voice. I couldn't say no. Besides, I want to get to know her, not drown out her voice.

By this time we were already down the main street, I lowered the music and looked at Emma, "Happy?""Thank you, Mr. Hogart." She flashed a very satisfied smile.

"Alright already" sometimes she can be, a bit opinionated but it doesn't matter. I still love her; I don't hate her any less. Usually, Jay Hogart doesn't love, but this is a new me. A new leaf, a new reason and it's because of Emma. Most of the time, I'd say love is full of mumbo jumbo and crapola, but now it's something I'm deep in understanding with. I'm in love with her and it's the best feeling I have ever had in my life.


	8. Showing The World

**Chapter Eight ; Showing The World**

(Jay POV)

Emma and I pulled into Luigi's Pizza. It always looks the same, good old white sign on the top with red writing "Luigi's" with a picture pizza next to it. I remember my days and allowances being spend there as a kid, and sometimes even still I stop there, heck every time I come to town I stop by and get a pie for myself.

Luigi is like a brother from another mother, or more of a dad, or an uncle to me. He's someone I can talk to about anything in the world, he understands me kind of like Alex always did or Emma does, except I can talk to him about guy's stuff. I don't want Emma to really know, know about what life is like or what it was like for me and I want things for a time to be settled and for her to not know about my past, but not to feel sorry for me. As I pulled into the parking lot I sighed, and breathed in the air as I took my hand off of the wheel and took out the keys. Emma looked at me and I looked at her and then I said something, "Well . . . let's go", as I opened the door and she followed not so far behind as we entered Luigi's.

Luigi is a jolly guy, he's balding and has naturally thick hair but most of his hair is only on the sides and its dark black but definitely graying. He wears a very old apron, as far back as I can remember and it has this old stain from God knows when. He doesn't speak too well English, he's got an accent. As I walk inside, he runs full force towards me, "Jay-Jay my boy!" kissing my forehead, I always blush, he's important to me a mentor and once I stayed at his house for a month to sort stuff out and he stands by me with everything he is.

"Luigi!" I said smiling, "How's the pizza goin'?" I asked, I always ask how business is, and he always replies the same. His pizza and everything he makes looks, tastes and smells delicious. It really gets to your five senses. "Great! Are you going to come and have some?""Of course! When do I ever come to town and not get a pie?" Emma stayed in the corner, I can see why she didn't really know what was going on, and she didn't know Luigi or me too well, "Um. . . Luigi this is Emma". She then took a step towards me and smiled.Luigi, I know up and down how he'll embarrass me, tell me baby stories and then he'd say _"Look at my boy's cheeks get red."_ because he totally did embarrass me. He's an awesome guy, he always gives me the best advice. I got to love Luigi he knows me more than I even know myself and he's very opinionated just like me. I sometimes wonder if we're really brothers with a 20 year or so age-gap, "Is this the one you've been telling me about?"

Emma then turned her head over to me, looking me into the eyes, "N- Yeah." I stammered managing to get that out looking at Luigi. Unfortunately, I blush uncontrollably, way to blow my cover every time, leave it to Luigi to mess up my antics, makes me look like a nice ol' softie-hat I'm and I know it, "I came to show her the town and all. What a better place to start than at my favorite pizza place?"

"Right this way. I'll give you two the best table in the house!" as he loosened up his hug and walked Emma and I to the table. I thought hard about holding her hand on the way, but I dismissed the idea before we even got walking. I love how no matter when you go it's always warm and inviting at Luigi's and that carries out my mood. . I'm finally relaxed.

"What can I get you to drink?""I'll have a Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi. Whatever you have." Emma answered.

"We sell Pepsi." Luigi told her.

"Perfect." Emma smirked."I'll have a Pepsi." Jay said afterward. I'm too nervous and I have to loosen up, I know Lou is going to do the quiz stuff on her and stuff and that is something I don't want.

I gave Luigi a look and he went off to get the drinks. Maybe now I can try my luck of talking, if I don't stammer, "So. . . When was the last time you had pizza?"

"Almost a year ago" She said to me laughing lightly.I love the way she is so nonchalant to the way she changes my life. Not knowing how amazing she is as she puts her elbows upon the table. Even the little things, go the longest way with me, I pay attention to the little things.

"Wow, I had pizza almost everyday this week" I said with a smile, I don't realize how often I smile when I'm around her, not until I see her smile back.

"Pizza for me is like, a treat, honestly." she started, "I only get it on Friday's because my mom cooks a lot of stuff as well as Snake so I just have pizza on Friday's or when friends sleep over.", She's lucky her mom actually cooks for her, where as my mom could care less, she'll make the cooks cook. I don't even remember the last time she actually cooked a meal for us.

"Ah. . . so what do your parents cook?""Anything. I don't eat any kind of meats but they make a lot of things. You'd be surprised."

"So you're a vegetarian?"

Emma nodded, "Mhm."

"I eat a lot of pizza, and Italian stuff. I eat too much meat. I wonder how people live with not eating meat. I was practically born on it." I laughed. Part of me was sitting there reminiscing on the good days, the good times when dad and mom lived together. "I practically lived here before I moved to Degrassi. . Now I come over the weekends."

"Before I stopped eating meat, I used to eat a lot of Italian stuff. Did your mom like force you to move to Degrassi?"

"Kind of. . . she moved out of my dad's house and she got full custody of me and she was having Chrissy. . listen do you mind not talking about it? I really don't want to talk about it right now."

Emma nodded and put the napkin down on her lap, "Okay. . . its fine, I'll drop it"

"Thanks", Suddenly Luigi came back with our Diet Cokes, He is always so cheerful when he works he also makes very good food. I could live off of his food. "Hey thanks.!"

"Here you go, Jayson" He said putting my coke down on my coaster and then giving Emma hers as well, "and. . . Emma" He then took out his check and almost magically pulled out a pen from his ear and hair, or what was left of it, "What can I get you two?"

"Your famous pizza pie! The usual." I said grinning, "Extra Cheese and Pepperoni" He quickly jotted it down and then walked off; He was honestly a work machine. Emma just smiled. I knew she didn't know much about the area and all but I can tell she liked the comfortable atmosphere, I think I finally did something right.


	9. Vanilla

**Chapter Nine : Vanilla**

_(Jay POV)_

I wanted to surprise Emma. So I took her to my old tree house. I spend countless days there as a kid, and it's somewhere I want to take Emma. Of course I've made a lot of renovations, additions and things to keep the place intact all these years. I've put many allowances, and saved up a lot to make my tree house more _homey_. I've never taken any girl there but Alex, and that's really saying something. Today was pretty cloudy and cool. So I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders before we left Luigi's. I think she liked that, I really sincerely hope she did. Now I find myself leading her to the tree house, my hands were on her eyes as I led her slowly forward, "Jay, where are you taking me?"

"If I told you it wouldn't be a secret." I whispered in her ears causing her to get goose bumps all over.

"You're not fair." She smiled warmly with this little giggle that just was so cute. I don't say cute often about something so it had to be cute.

I laughed as we neared the tree, and I moved my hands from her eyes and stepped to the side so I could see her reaction, "You can open them now."

She looked around, surveying the area. The tree house had been broken into three parts, there's about three "floors". There's the lower section that was the original, which has most of the original pieces. I keep flashlights, batteries and such in there mostly I keep my old comic books and childhood things inside there. The top two floors are what I did on my summer vacation, it looks like a home. I got the roof done, so there wont be any leaks, and the steps aren't things you climb on, you could step on them just like real steps made from wood. Inside there is table and chairs, in a smaller room there's a bed, a few bean bag chairs, TV, radio and a mini fridge. She looked around in awe from the downstairs and then looked at me, "Wow. Nice tree house."

"Come inside." I told her as I took her hand and started up the stairs and led her to the door, she wasn't far behind me.

After I gave her some brief grand tour we wound up on the couch where we continued to talk, I continued to stare at her she continued to blush and everything was going right with the world for awhile. I even tried to tickle her, and when I did she let out a most adorable giggle, I just couldn't get enough of it. She let me talk to her, she let me in, she let me tickle her, it was now my time to really ask her some hard hitting questions.

"So Em."

"Yeah?" She said lying her head on one of the pillows on the arm of the couch and toying with the ends of her hair. I noticed it was one of her many habits.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How relaxed I'm feeling, how full I got from the pizza."

"I hear you." I laughed.

"So what was it, Jay?"

"Could I ask you some stuff?" I asked her.

"Sure." Emma told me, sitting up again. We were pretty close at this time, face to face and I liked it. Except her striking innocence that I never had noticed just stood in the way of me trying to get my feelings to blurt. She was so beautiful she made me nervous and her innocence could just burn any idea of me wanting to be with her to dust.

"Do you like me?"

"Of course I do." Emma laughed.

I perked up, "Really?"

"You've been a great friend these past few days and I can't thank you enough for saving my ass last night."

"I mean. . like me."

Emma then got silent and bit her lip. Oh was that ever a turn on. It's weird to say Emma Nelson turns me on, but she's nonchalant to that sort of thing. She then asked, "Why do you ask me that?"

It was a now or never thing. I can't chicken out, change the subject or anything. I mean last night, that kiss had to of met something to her. I mean it meant a lot to me even if it didn't mean much to her, she needed to know how I felt, "Don't make me say it, Emma."

"Don't make you say what?" she asked. Gosh she's no naive. I'm so naive of talking about my feelings. Maybe we're at the same place for once. I've never once told a girl I liked her, only Alex and it was more of this unspoken bond. Even when we were in love, I only told her that I liked her.

"I like you, Emma." There I did it.

"What kind of _like_ are we talking?" Emma asked me.

"What do you think, Nelson? God not like the whole friends type of like where I just plain think you're cool, or I find you tolerable. Trust me, you're both of those things but I have strong feelings for you. I mean it."

"That's a relief." She simply said.

"Why you say that?" I asked.

"Jay. . " She whispered, and sighed before she shook her head, I don't think she expected me to like her in a million years. She thought I just kissed her spur of the moment like she didn't matter, I think that kiss just sent it over the edge. I want another. I can't stop thinking about how much I loved the way she said my name. I just wanted her to say it again. Then she said it, "I like you too."

Without a word, I slowly moved forward toward her, I cupped her delicate face in my hands. Her brown eyes looked into mine, she had the most beautiful eyes, and it drove me nearly insane as I saw her bite her lip again. I with my hand, I gently pushed back some of her hair behind her ear while my thumb on her cheek was massaging her smooth skin before I gently kissed her. Her lips were warm, soft like flower petals and had this uncanny aroma of this vanilla lip gloss I saw her with earlier. Do I ever loved the aroma of vanilla? She embodies it it's all around. I saw her try to pull away and break from the kiss as I tried to throw in a little tongue. Maybe I did something wrong? She put her hands on my chest and shook her head not looking at me. I laughed lightly, "I do something wrong? Something the matter?"

"I can't do that." Emma sighed. Gosh, she so naïve slowly she shrugged it off by asking me, "You respect that, right?"

"Do I respect you?" I whispered, "of course."

A smile played on her lips, "This isn't some type of game to me."

"This isn't a game to me either Em."

"You mimicking me?" Emma asked as eyes narrowing.

"No." I told her shaking my head, "_Are you mimicking me?_"I then said with his best girl kind of voice, before finishing "Now I'm mimicking you."

Emma giggled again, before leaning forward, back to me. She draped her arms around me neck and looked into my eyes before we both leaned in for another kiss.


	10. Meet The Parents

**Chapter Ten : Meet The Parents**

_(Emma POV)_

So Jay likes me, and I like Jay and now everything is lined up on the table. Does he like me because I'm there, does he like me for a hook up or two, or does he really like me and want a relationship with me? I don't do "hookups", I'm not exactly stupid and I know what they are and I know I wont get involved with those kinds of things. I guess I haven't let myself go to mush just yet. His kisses make me want to melt, I really like him a lot. I like him I think more than I liked Chris. In fact, I never was infatuated by him in the least but he is on the same level I was with Sean. I guess there was something that was magical about me and Sean though that Jay could never get to, the fact that Sean was all my firsts, first dance, first date, first kiss, first boyfriend, first time, and first heartbreak. Of all people to fall for, I fell for the guy he chose me over to hang out with, no less. I this false pretense Jay Hogart was some monster dweller who had it out for me to cause me hurt because he wanted Sean so badly in his crew, if you would have asked me a year ago if I liked Jay, or even thought he was mildly interesting I'd ask you if you were insane, or living under a rock. I detested him for how he took Sean away.

Now though, I think I'm liking him more every hour I spend with him, I'm finding new things about him that I would have never known about had I of never went to Wasega Beach. At first I felt so out of place with them three, I mean Sean is my ex that was very awkward, Ellie was his current girlfriend and Jay made last year miserable, his girl, ex girlfriend gave me a black eye before, at the time I was not surprised if he somehow told her to get me. I mean, Emma Nelson goodie two shoes skipping class to hang out with people I really wouldn't usually hang with? I learned to fit the mold. I realized Jay was just like everyone else, as much as he didn't want anyone to believe. The Jay that is sensitive, loving, likeable, and a amazing kisser. He knows just how to kiss me, and he just knows another thing about Jay is, he gets me. Sean or Chris never really "understood" me all of the time, Jay just now is finding it easy to understand me.

So here I'm on the couch with Jay making out, before he stops and just looks at me with his pale blue eyes, as he hovers over me before he whispers "You are so beautiful." With his hand he gently stroked my cheek.

"Thanks." I told him as we both sat up.

He chuckled at my hair, "Your hair. . "

"What about it?" I panicked touching it causing him to erupt into more laughter.

Recovering from his laughter he told me pointing into the direction of a mirror, "There's a mirror over there."

I quickly looked into the mirror, my hair really looked bad of course my 'do at my mothers wedding would have had him on the floor. I flattened it up and fixed it as I returned to Jay, "What's on the agenda?"

"Uh." He yawned and stretched before standing up, "We'll meet my dad."

We got out of the tree house and knocked on his dads door. He lived in a suburban neighborhood a little ways around the corner from his tree house. His dad's house was an old fashioned and looked a run down from the outside, the green grass was a little over grown, and the garden plants were dead aside from the plastic flamingos and faux flower decorations that looked faded from exposure the rest garden was filled with weeds, and the wind caused the rusted from the porch to ring. Emma assumed quietly that the house hadn't changed since Jay and his mother left it years before. The one thing Emma really enjoyed were the large trees that had to be years old were everywhere, as they surrounded the property of the house she eyed as they stepped on the porch. There was a swinging porch swing that had enough room for a few people that still was there and some old wicker chairs on the wrap around porch. Jay rang the door bell as Emma just watched. A man with blue eyes just like Jay's answered, he had a thermal shirt and a red and black flannel jacket on. As soon as he saw Jay he beamed happily, "Jay come on in!"

Jay came in and held my hand as they stepped into the house that smelled like straight up cigarettes. The inside however was dark but still a very nice old fashioned Victorian type house. I let them talk as I stood in the room with them. I guess after awhile it was silent because Jay then introduced me to his dad. "Dad, this is Emma."

"I've never met many or any of Jay's new friends since they moved away." His dad said putting his hand out for to shake, "I'm Dave. Don't call me Mr. Hogart, it makes me feel old. Feel free to sit down, make yourself at home."

I laughed a little feeling comfortable as I sat down on a couch next to Jay as his dad sat in his arm chair across from us. Jay reached down and took my hand in his, before looking at me with a smile.


	11. Talk About Us

**Chapter Twelve : Talk About Us**

So after Jay and Emma spent time with his dad swapping stories they sunk back into the tree house. Emma plopped herself on the couch, Jay followed. He kept looking at Emma as she insecurely twirled her hair around her index finger. Jay scooted closer, "Talk, Nelson."

She seemed to jump three feet out of her skin before she looked at Jay, "About what?"

Jay shrugged, "Us."

She was taken back. "What about it?"

"I don't know." Jay avoided her eye nervously.

"Is there an us?" Emma questioned after she swallowed hard, she can just feel her face turn red. They sat in silence before Jay knew this was his shot and he was blowing it during the painful silence. He knew what he had to say, but it was hard and he couldn't even begin to explain it, she made him nervous, even when she looked at him with her bronze colored eyes. "Well?"

Jay stood up so that they were making eye contact. She opened her mouth before Jay said something. Finally he sighed, he was about to tell her something, a big something, everything that he's been bottling up for the past few months, and more importantly the realization over these past few days. He looked her square in the eyes before he gave her a signature Jay Hogart smirk, "Don't make me say it."

"Don't make you say what?" Emma asked angelically, she had no idea of the power she had over Jay. She would soon know that he has fallen for her. He just hoped to god he wasn't wasting his time or breath on a girl who was pretty fragile at heart than she had led on. Usually he would find himself a predator; the weak were often his prey. He simply would prey people with low confidence, people who showed a crack in their perfect shell and Emma had shown him that she was less than perfect. He had wondered how he could've ever seen it. The word he thinks is now. He's so much more worldly thanks to her. and he felt so stupid to think that she was prissy, perfect and the way she was by choice, but she was never ashamed of who she was. He liked that and he wouldn't have it any other way and he loved that sensitive side she brought out of him, and he brought out of her. When they'd sit and tell stories for hours and perfect Emma Nelson façade became somewhat of a fantasy, and she was seen by him as someone who was somewhat complicated. "Jay?"

"Emma I don't know _how _to say it."

"Okay, just tell me. I won't judge you. Nothing will leave this room, or upset me. I trust you, so trust me."

"This is so not like me to talk about things."

"What kind of things? "

"I don't usually talk about how I feel, a-about anything." Jay Hogarth doesn't stutter either but now apparently he does. "I don't usually talk this way. I don't usually _talk _to anyone. I'm no prince charming, and I don't claim to be. I'm not the kind of guy who take home to meet mommy and daddy, but you're the one girl who makes me want to change my ways because I like you. Not just in the we get each other, because don't get me wrong we do. We've been through a lot of shit separately on our own, we got drama, I know you're more than what meets the eye. You're not a nature freak even if you do have the tendencies, I only tease you and say things to you to get to you, I like your reaction, it's a turn on like you wont believe. I know you blush whenever I call you by your nickname, nobody will ever replace Greenpeace, and you will always be the only girl I'd give a nickname to so get used to it. "He said reminiscent but then looking at her in all honesty, she stood silently a smile was curving on her lips and it made his explanation worthwhile. "And I know you used to wish I'd call you Emma, and when I do I know you like it and yet you are a vegetarian and you have these beliefs, morals, ideals and I don't but you are the kind of girl that makes me want to give a damn, we couldn't be more different. I can't begin to tell you about how much fun I've had with you these past few days. Every time I try to place the moment in my head, I just can't even manage to think of words to say."

Emma was now wide-eyed. For once in her life everything that she had been thinking was being blurted out of his mouth. It was more than what she had ever thought to expect from Jay, she wanted him to like her but he just admitted so much. He was far from finished.

"You know in Wasega Beach yeah me saying I wanted to bury you and dig holes in the sand, it was just an excuse to touch you. I kissed you last night. I never thought in a million years I'd be saying this but, I love you Emma. I love you. You know what? I don't care if Cameron comes back or you don't love me too. That's okay, but being able to spend these past few days together has been the greatest times in a long time. I know for a fact I wont forget it. And if you don't feel the way that I do about you, tell me and don't take it the wrong way. I don't care if Sean comes back though, don't take that the wrong way either he's my best friend and he wouldn't like the way I feel about you if he only knew. I like you, I love you but you know for a fact he wouldn't like that at all. I just can't hide that, I needed to get this off my chest. Now please say something."

Emma didn't say a word; she clutched onto him and just simply kissed him, hard. His hands stroked her face as they both collapsed onto the couch. She pulled away to take a breath, looking at him as their faces combined as one again in a passionate kiss. Finally, she whispered, "Jay, I love you too."


	12. Icebreaking

**Chapter Thirteen: Icebreaking**

Emma and Jay looked at the stars in the sky while on the hood of Jay's car. They had been just lying there gazing at stars and just talking about them, about things that have been going on, just getting into each others heads and anything in between. It was intense, but strongly icebreaking. Jay had been meaning to ask Emma about the shooting, he knew he didn't want to ask Sean. Jay and Sean knew each other inside out; he could tell Sean just about had it with the questions especially when the reporter lady gave him grief about his parents.

"We all know you and Sean were in the crossfire."

Emma nodded before she spoke, "I knew you'd ask me something about the shooting."

Jay noticed the sad expression on her face and he quickly shook his head knowing well she wasn't ready to talk about it, "Look, Green . . . Em you really don't have to."

Emma cut him off. "Well you do want to know? Right? The only way I'm going to cope is if I talk about it, no doubt about it.", Emma insisted. She sighed slowly, "Most of the beginning was honestly a blur. So Toby and I were in the same hall because he really didn't feel safe knowing Rick was in the hall. Tobes ran to see that Rick had came back because we were at lunch. I knew something was off knowing that Rick had the nerve to come back to school after the paint and feathers incident. He even said something to him he told me, that it was the only time he wanted to be at school. It was almost as if he was hinting at something. I think that's what made him trigger. Looking back on it, look at the immaturity! It made everything worse even if he _didn't _go ahead and bring a gun to school."

Jay avoided Emma's eyes at this time. He knew all about the paint and feathers. He was apart of it, he suddenly felt responsible. The girl he was falling for is a victim of something that had something to do with his wrongdoing, in an indirect way. This moment was defining. Jay felt like he had to watch what he did, he mostly would walk around being a tough guy and bully or smartass but he didn't know something so small that he did and partaken in would do this to someone he had feelings for. He loved Emma, he was falling even more in love with her with every moment and his heart was breaking for her. He had to blame himself, something that Jay Hogart has never done before.

"So I decided to you know, I'll walk Tobes around and all of a sudden then we heard what sounded like a gunshot. The halls were fairly quiet and there were people at their lockers. Stupid me, we walked towards the direction of the gunshot and I have no idea but somehow Sean was around. He appeared there randomly, I was too fixated on the fact that he had a gun and it was obviously him who fired the shots and what's worse is - he pointed the gun at me." Emma started to tear up tucking some of her hair behind her ear looking up at Jay, "Not Toby, not Sean - me."

"That wasn't fair, what did you do to him to make him act that way?"

Emma shrugged, taking a heavy breath, "Before." She swallowed hard her tear was falling, she then added, "Before the whole thing - when he was awarded the trophy outside the hallway I simply congratulated him, but of course he was upset. I told him that he should be happy, and to not listen to the people. I was nice to him. I may not have always been I knew it was getting out of hand. It really was, because he, even _he _was beginning to retaliate. I heard he did a number on Spin's car."

Jay looked back at his shined up car, "And you can't forget mine."

"You too?"

Jay nodded.

"He kissed me. I rejected him. I told him that I _pitied _him. It was the truth. Perhaps in his sick mind it was like, if you won't like me I'll just shoot you. Half the school I know for sure didn't give a rats ass what he did last year. Generally speaking, I'm sure yeah men slapping around women is a problem. However, nobody cared about Terri, just her friends. The whole damn anti-violence thing was about the girl! I knew Terri, Paige, Hazel, Jimmy and Spin did. I think Spin took it the furthest. It was not necessarily trying to humiliate Rick but of course that got out of hand as well. The whole thing got out of hand from then on. Especially when you and Alex entered the picture, we could've just left the whole damn thing alone. . of course Spinner, Spinner was close with Ter - didn't like him, you didn't like him - it's not like _you _were ever effected - you just- I don't know."

"If I would have known the guy was bat shit crazy, I would of left the guy alone, honestly."

"I'd believe that." Emma muttered sarcastically not facing him, "What about me? I never did anything to you, a-and my first impression of you still sucks. You, and your friends made fun of me, I heard your snarky remarks, especially Alex's. I know, it was awhile ago, but it's sad when you think of someone and their first impression. As if it wasn't bad enough I lost my boyfriend that day, to you."

Jay sighed, "I know, I was rude and there's no excuse for that. I guess my logic was maybe if I got you to not like me, then I could forget about having a chance with you, because I knew as long as Sean was near - I'd never have a chance with you."

"You . . ?" Emma asked somewhat intrigued. "You had Alex."

"Forget Alex, it's over between her and I. Somewhat, I don't know it felt so long ago when I first met you." Jay shrugged and Emma slightly frowned, he caught her and quickly elaborated, "not what I mean. I just knew girls like you just don't go for guys like me."

"What is that supposed to mean? Girls like me?"

Jay stammered it out, "I don't know pretty, good girls, ones with a head on their shoulders, smart ones and who know just what to do."

"And you think I'm all of those things?" Emma asked Jay as she moved to a different position while on the hood of the car lying down on her side propping her arm up to rest her head on it.

Jay thought about his explanation silently waiting for her reaction, "Of course."

Jay's face and Emma's face were pretty close together on the hood of the car as they talked, Emma just beamed a tint of red touched her cheeks, "Thanks. You're not so bad yourself." For a moment she wasn't crying.

"You could tell I'm not good at this, right?"

"Good at what?" Emma lightly laughed.

"Communicating."

"You're doing a good job." Emma assured him, "Is there something you want to say?"

Jay looked down before looking up at Emma, "Yeah, a few things. You just gotta promise it wont change things."

"Shoot." Emma told him.

"The the paint and feathers shit it was me, Lexxi and Spin."

Emma didn't say anything.

Jay stammered out some more in fear he was damaging the story, to explain it more. "I mean like I said before, I didn't think he was going to come running into the school with a gun. I saw him as a potentially violent guy because of what he did to the Terri girl, I saw him as a guy who had an angry streak a little messed up in the head. I'll never forget that look he gave you when you tripped him at The Dot, it was scary but I didn't think he'd try to shoot up the place."

Emma stated simply, she was upset again. "You were the one who turned our non-violent campaign into a violent one."

"I know, I really shouldn't of gotten involved. It was more about Lexxi being the class VP. Supporting her, and then bullying Rick it was entertaining to say the least."

"Of course." She stated sarcastically, again rolling her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He told her back.

"Look, Jay this is probably the first time I'm going to say this about you but - I don't think you're that cruel. It isn't _your _fault, sure I believe it was you and your friends, and Spinner who did the paint and feathers. I don't think you're _that _cruel that I should blame the whole thing on you. But none the less, I'm going to have to live with what happened the other day forever. My parents want me to see a doctor, Sauve suggested it."

"Do you want to?"

Emma shook her head. "I just want to cope on my own. It just sucks that Toby claims he was never even friends with Rick and Sean fled. I could've helped cope with them; nobody sees it like I do. They know how it feels but at the same time they don't have a clue. Rick didn't try to get Toby or Sean, he tried to get _me_. I hate to think, you know if Sean wasn't in the hall. I would've been gone just like Rick."

"Don't say that. Sean was, a-and you're here." Jay fired back.

"I watched someone die." Emma sobbed. "It feels so wrong." Jay clutched Emma holding her close to him. "You know, I could've been in Jimmy's shoes in the hospital!"

Emma continued to burry her head in chest crying hard. Jay was whispering to her, "You were saved."

"Then why does it hurt so badly?" Asked Emma as she removed her head from his chest, and looked up at him.

He was willing to say anything to get her to stop crying, "It shouldn't babe."

"Babe?" She asked her eyes widened.

"Y-yeah." Jay uttered.

"I've never gotten that one before." She sniffled wiping her eyes.

Jay laughed lightly, "I love you."

Emma simply said, "I love you too." Suddenly there was a beeping coming from her purse. She opened up her phone, "Uh hello?"

"Emma. Thank god you're alive." Spike said into the phone causing Emma to jump off the hood of the car and walk a little further out.

"Mom hi." Emma greeted.

"Where are you? The door was locked when we got in. Are you alright?" Spike asked concerned. Emma didn't like how she was so concerned.

"I had left my key by accident in my room. I was staying at a friends." Emma told her sighing.

"Em I really was hoping you weren't alone, that's actually alright. But take your key. We really didn't want to leave you home but we had to go."

"I know, mom."

"I'm going to let you go, you relax. See you tomorrow."

Emma hung up her cell and threw it inside her hobo bag returning to where she was with Jay. "Sorry."

Jay said nothing he simply let his lips crash against hers. He placed her face in his palm with his fingers he tucked her hair behind her ear. As the kissing intensified, they pressed their bodies against one another under the stars.

Jay pulled away, before kissing her lips just once more before smiling at her with his blue eyes. "I love you."

Emma smiled before whispering, "I love you too."

"I'm getting kind of beat." Jay yawned. "Where do you want to go to sleep?"

"Doesn't matter. Do you want to go through Darcy?"

"My little sister is more of a snitch than Darcy."

"Oh right." Emma told him as if she knew.

"You know my mom though." Jay smiled, "I want to meet your mom. I really never got formally introduced before like that to someone's mom. My mom and Alex's mom were friends, Alex and I remained close. I never really had the whole big meet the parents' thing like most people do. Did they like Sean?"

Emma nodded laughing, "I can't get over the fact you want to meet my mom."

"Why is it so funny?" Jay questioned with a grin, "that I want to meet my girlfriend's mom?"

"No I don't know why it's funny, it just is I suppose."

"Okay well, if we're driving to Degrassi we should leave now. It's getting late." Jay pointed out to Emma, who was now off the hood of the car. Emma nodded in agreement as they both stepped into the car. Jay pulled out of the lot and left.


End file.
